Civil Discourse
When I was an architecture grad student, I would often manage the grind of design studio by taking a break in the evening to walk across the street to the Yale Reparatory Theater and see a Broadway-bound play.
One that I remember from 1987 was A Walk in the Woods, a spartan production featuring two arms negotiators, a Soviet diplomat Botvinnik and his American counterpart Honeyman, at the height of the Cold War. The characters are presented as two vastly different individuals dealing with a heavily charged situation. How they engage with each other through dialogue while walking in a wooded area on the outskirts of Geneva, Switzerland, is the entirety of the play. Given the topic (nuclear annihilation) and two divergent cultures, you might expect some verbal fireworks – but you would be disappointed.
The memory of this play came back to me as I read Fast Company’s “4 Leadership Trends to Watch in 2025.” Civil discourse is right up there with AI, DEI, and hybrid work as the leadership issues of our times according to author David Rock, CEO of the NeuroLeadership Institute.
But I believe that “taking civility seriously”, as Dr. Rock puts it, belongs in a category by itself. Civility in the workplace affects our ability to get things done because it generates energy through curiosity, caring, and respect. Incivility, on the other hand, drains that energy from both the individuals involved and the organizational functions such as HR and Legal that deal with the consequences (I discuss this in a previous post).
So what can be done?
All productive (i.e. civil) conversations are rooted in trust, and trust is established first and foremost by connecting with the other person as a human - not your colleague, counterpart or competitor.
This can be facilitated by something like a change in settings, such as swapping out the negotiating room for a natural landscape as in the play. Of course it might also feel strange: “What do you call work? Only what we do at the table?” asks Botvinnik. “This is valuable too.”
Making a connection that leads to trust can also be facilitated through personal storytelling or recounting a shared experience. At one point in the play Botvinnik asks Honeyman to tell him about his hometown and his favorite color. “Be frivolous with me,” he pleads:
Honeyman: “I’m disappointed by this. I thought you were more professional.”
Botvinnik: “This IS professional. This is how to survive as a professional.”
In my work with leaders on the topic of verbal conflict (aka uncivil discourse) I offer techniques for self-management that enable a shift in focus so that listening to the other person is actually possible. This is not easy to do, especially if there are deep differences in opinions or beliefs. But connection unlocks shared interests, which is the currency of all negotiations.
Botvinnik: “Americans and Russians are just the same. But their history is different.”
Indeed. We are all human first.
What would be possible if there was an abundance of civil discourse in your organization? If you’d like to explore ways to partner, I’m here for you.