Think, Feel, Say, Do
I recently caught up with Jane Fulton Suri, an IDEO Partner Emerita whom I first met almost 30 years ago. A psychologist by training, Jane is widely credited with establishing the ethnographic research techniques that underpin much of what is called human-centered design.
All these years later I reached out to her to share an interesting discovery. A hand-drawn sketch she had created in the mid-1990’s, labeled simply “think-feel-say-do” to describe the role of empathy in the design research process, perfectly maps to the principles of conflict resolution.
In Jane’s own words, the voice-over of the diagram goes something like this: "We can get a lot of information by observing what people say and do but we need also to understand what’s behind that, people's inner worlds, thoughts feelings, aspirations. And what people think and feel is not directly observable (including things like their mental models, motivations, emotions etc.). That’s where empathy can play an important role. We need to be careful and check (our) assumptions...”
Building on her ideas, I offer this: When we get curious enough to look beyond actions and words (the kind of data collected through traditional market research, focus groups, and NPS scores) and engage in dialogue, we can gain insight into the underlying needs and values that actually inform human behaviors and, by extension, their engagement or purchasing habits. Understanding needs and values is the key to innovation breakthroughs.
Understanding needs and values is also the key to breaking through conflict impasses.
In the language of conflict resolution, say and do are how each party contributes to a dispute. It’s how they state their positions on the issue, or make their demands. What they think and feel, on the other hand, represents the interests, needs, or values underlying those demands.
It’s hard to achieve breakthroughs in innovation based solely on what people ask for, if they can even articulate it (Henry Ford: “If I’d asked people what they wanted they would have said faster horses.”).
Similarly, it’s almost impossible to negotiate or resolve a conflict by focusing on incompatible positions – it’s a dead end. Instead, we need to shift the focus to reveal, and then explore, both our own and the other person’s underlying interests. This is the true source of the solution (if we’re innovating) or a possible resolution (if we’re mediating).
Here’s something to try: The next time you find yourself in a heated discussion with someone who has opposing views to your own, take a pause. Realize that what you’re hearing is their position on the subject, and instead of responding in kind, get curious. Ask an open-ended question (for example, “what’s important to you about that?”) and begin to discover what’s really going on for them, and for you. Being interested and empathetic will help turn down the heat and pave the way to co-creating a workable outcome.
If you’d like to explore, I’m here for you.