Conversation #6
A former colleague approached me recently with a challenge. He was now the board chair of a national nonprofit but had assumed his duties under a cloud of controversy. The prior year had been a tough one as the organization grappled with the resignation of its chief executive and rumors had swirled about the role my former colleague played in that turn of events. Distrust hung in the air as he and the board and his executive team prepared for their first planning retreat.
My former colleague’s intuition said that proceeding with business as usual was not the best approach, that a special kind of conversation would be needed to settle the dust.
His intuition was right.
In a prior post I discussed five conversation types that every professional should know how to lead. But there’s another one: Conversation #6.
Conversation #6 is your conversation. You know, the big one. The one that needs to happen but often never does because it’s just too daunting.
It’s the team conversation that needs to produce a critical decision.
It’s the client conversation that needs to address a change in how you work together.
It’s the succession planning conversation that needs to address a looming leadership transition.
And yes, it’s the board room conversation that needs to address a difficult subject.
To name just a few.
These conversations are always high-stakes because how they’re handled can have a big impact on everyone involved. When they can no longer be avoided, they tend to play out as either a hesitant discussion or an aggressive debate.
But something different will unfold if you anchor on dialogue.
With dialogic conversations, 80% of the work happens before the convening event. A dialogue is made possible by individual, pre-session conversations with the key participants. These conversations build trust with the facilitator, confirms there’s an understanding of the individual’s perspective, and informs the agenda design and facilitation strategy.
This co-discovery continues in-session when all are present by investing the time to establish a feeling of belonging within a group based on a common goal or objective. From that foundation, facilitated dialogue enables participants to respectfully wrestle with divergent ideas, co-create options, and converge on actionable and agreeable outcomes.
What would be possible if you could approach your own “Conversation #6” with the confidence that it could be productive and strengthen relationships at the same time?
Here’s something to try if you need to lead a high-stakes conversation: carve out some time well before the event and have a 15–20-minute conversation with each participant. Ask them just 3 questions - what is one thing you hope will occur during the session, what is one thing you fear might happen, and what would kind of outcome would enable you to say “that was a really good use of my time” at the conclusion?
I’ve facilitated high-stakes conversation for years and have coached others to do it as well - if you’d like to explore, I’m here for you.